


Learn to Love Again

by Tetota



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Erica, Alive Vernon Boyd, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, M/M, Pack Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 16:07:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8923612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tetota/pseuds/Tetota
Summary: While Derek and his pack of four learn to leave normal lives in New York, Derek realizes that his feelings for Stiles are different than he though.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For my giftee: @kewismash: I hope this was what you wanted, I tried my best. I wish you the happiest of holidays and i hope the next year is more awesome ^.^
> 
> Sorry for any typos, this work is unbetaed

The traffic outside the window added a nice background noise to his reading. It took a lot of time for him to get used to it, tune his hearing just right so it didn't disrupt his concentration, but Derek finally made it work. 

 

He was reading some dystopia, futuristic book that Erica didn't stop talking about for two weeks and he had to admit, it was pretty good. The descriptions were simple, yet it felt like he was there and the actions scenes had him at the edge of his seat. Well, figuratively. Derek has perfected the art of not showing interest in anything a long time ago. Growing up with an older sister would do that to you.

 

Being back in New York without Laura sometimes felt like he had tiny needles in his chest that stabbed his heart every time he breathed, making his breath catch if he walked down familiar streets. He sometimes caught himself turning his head to look at her smiling face.

 

But being in Beacon Hills was much much worse.

 

Derek finally managed to put his foot down and get Erica, Boyd and Isaac out of that hell hole. Cora came too, but after three months of tearing her skin off from all the proximity of strangers, decided to go back to her old pack-the one who took her in after the fire. They both know it’s for the best, but that won’t stop Derek from missing her like crazy. 

 

Still, he’s happy here. And so is his pack. He has a job at a local library that doesn't pay much, but it’s something to do. Erica and Boyd wanted to go to college, and Derek was happy to pay for it. Isaac started working as a barista, takes cooking and art classes, still trying to find what he likes. But they’re together, trying to make it as a pack, and after years succeeding.

 

Derek gets weekly updates from Scott via text. They’re not very informative. Sometimes it’s a simple “Everything's quiet” to “We took care of it”. As far as he knows, Scott stayed in Beacon Hills. He made it his territory, made a pack. Lydia went to MIT, of course, and she’s happier for it. And Stiles...well…

 

Stiles enrolled in Columbia. Derek found out he was accepted in April, when he called to wish him a happy birthday and got asked, timidly, if he can stay with Derek. And of course Derek said yes, there was no other option, no other answer. If he could help anyone get out of there, he would in a heartbeat.

 

The sound of keys jiggling and a muffled curse caught Derek’s attention. He put the flyer he was using as a bookmark between the pages, done with reading for now. With Stiles home, he probably won’t be getting his concentration any time soon.

 

Case in point, Stiles starts talking before he even opens the door fully, “...believe she expects us to write the essay  _ and _ study for the test in  _ one week _ ! One week, Derek! Like we don’t have enough work in other classes! Never mind that it’s gonna be Christmas break soon!”

 

Derek mostly tunes him out, he can’t really relate to the feeling either way. But he still pretends to listen, doesn't tell him to shut up. Because the talking, rumbling really, the flailing hands, those are good signs. Signs that today is a good day. A day that Stiles has focused on the present, the now. No matter how frustrated he seems at the moment, the old demons are quiet for now. Honestly, it’s the silence that breaks Derek’s heart.

 

They all have their ups and downs, all have there tells. When they need to be distracted, when to be left alone. They’re moving on, but no one knows if their nightmares will truly go away. Derek hopes that at least they’ll make it through the holidays without much trouble.

 

Stiles falls on the couch, right next to Derek, his scent dispersing in the air and calming him more then it should. He didn't even know he wasn't calm, if he was honest, but maybe after everything, not having his pack in the same room would give any alpha anxiety.

 

“Erica want’s a new tree this year”, Stiles says on a sigh. His body going more limp as he snuggles more into Derek’s side. He must have been exhausted from his classes. It doesn’t help that he runs on three hours of sleep every day.

 

“Why do we need a new tree? What’s wrong with the old one”

 

Stiles turns his head to give him the most incredulous look. “Um… it was literally on fire?”, he says it with a hesitation.

 

Right. One of the light bulbs wasn't working right and the betas were trying to fix it. Derek wasn't in the room when the trying part was happening, but he walked in just in time to see the tree burning and everyone freaking out. It resulted in half melted plastic and a panic attack on Derek’s side. 

 

After the first day of being locked inside his room, Stiles came in as silently as he could, which wasn't very silent, and buried himself in Derek’s blankets, while Erica brought them food. On the third day, Boyd rolled in the tv and all five of them spend the day in bed watching bad rom-coms. They declared the night to be a sleepover and shared his bed with minimal complaints. God, Derek loved his pack.

 

He must have blocked out the initial reason, but even in the given circumstance, he remembers does days fondly. The pack was already close and tight-knit, but reminders never hurt.

 

All he says is “We’ll get a new tree” just to get the conversation to what they were talking about. Now is not the time to go down that road and Stiles clearly agrees. He smiles fully and Derek loves and hates that look.

 

“Great! We can go now, have the tree set up so everyone can decorate it when they get home.” He gets up and starts putting his jacket and his winter gear on.

 

Derek stays exactly where he is, not really in the mood to even leave the apartment.”I thought you had a lot of school work before the break?”

 

Stiles scoffs. “I thought you didn't listen to my rumblings”, he mumbles, to which Derek just lifts an eyebrow. Sure he didn't always listen, but it’s not like he’d admit it. Stiles sighs, “I can’t really study right now, even if i wanted to.” He shrugs, moves to open the door and looks at Derek expectantly. 

 

And okay, Derek can admit if only to himself-when it comes to his pack, he’s totally wiped.

______________________________________________________________________

They get coffee first, of course they do. If Derek’s going to be outside with a large group of people, he’d need some comfort. He pays for Stiles’ coffee too, just to see him turn his head to hide a smile.

 

On the way to the store Derek talks about the book he was reading with little prompting from Stiles. He can tell that the younger man needs this right now and it’s not a hardship, hasn't been for some time now for Derek to talk. Especially about books. Stiles pays attention like he always does, sometimes asking questions like ‘what did Derek think” or ‘did he like that scene or not’. But otherwise kept quiet.

 

The snow crunches under their feet. It’s been snowing for the past week and Derek’s sure it’ll start snowing again sometime tonight. Stiles is buried in his scarf and hat, both hands on the styrofoam cup to leach the warmth even through the gloves. He’s walking as close to Derek as possible, whether to avoid touching as many people or because of the cold, Derek’s not sure. Maybe both. Either way he doesn't mind. 

 

The store is full when they get there. They dispose of their empty cups and Stiles grabs Derek’s arm so the don’t get separated. Derek moves them straight to where the plastic trees are being sold, not wanting Stiles distracted with everything in the store.

 

His family used to cut their own tree, made a holiday out of it. But that was a long time ago. And this is far more efficient, especially in an apartment, no matter how big it is. As long as nothing happens to the tree again.

  
  


Stiles detaches himself from Derek’s side and goes to inspect the trees. He’s probably making a chart of pros and cons in his head as he goes along each one. There are other people there, so the salesperson is distracted which suits Derek just fine.

 

He stands to the side with a clear view of Stiles and the rest of the store, back to a pillar. He’s aware he’s doing t, but old habits. And it can never hurt to be vigilant in the city.

 

When Stiles is done inspecting the trees, decision made, he looks to Derek and the move to get it boxed and pay for it. The cashier’s nice and friendly, even with the rush of people and a line forming quickly. 

 

Stiles makes small talk like always while the cashier works. He always does it and Derek is always grateful since it’s not a skill he’s learned.

 

“Is it your first Christmas together?” The cashier is smiling pleasantly when he asks, looking at them for just a moment before he continues working. He looks genuinely curious.

 

“Second”, Stiles easily answers. “Our first tree didn't make it.”  He gives a self depicting laugh like it was somehow his fault. Maybe he just hates bringing it up.

 

The cashier doesn't notice, smiles and nods. When the finish paying he thanks them and wishes them a ‘happy holiday’, already moving to the next customer in line.

 

It’s dark out when they leave the store. It’s snowing in fat clumps, just like Derek predicted. Stiles gives no indication that he’s even going to offer to help. He just moves along, enjoying the weather. Derek wants to make a dog joke about he keeps going a few steps in front, but always comes back to Derek’s side after a while. But he won’t stoop so low.

 

It’s Stiles’ second year here and he still isn't used to the snow. Nor the cold weather. He’d curse and shiver, complaint till his throat is sore about wet feet and never being warm. He’d moan how much he misses Californian weather and how he doesn't have enough clothes to layer.

 

But sometimes he has this childhood glee about snow. He tries catching snowflakes on his tongue, laughs with pure joy as he looks in wonder. His cheeks go red from the cold and snow catches in his hair. He looks beautiful.

 

And oh...Oh no…

 

Derek should not be having these kinds of thoughts. Not even if Stiles is  _ glowing, _  smiling ear to ear. It’s been a long time since that has happened and Derek won’t ruin it with  _ feelings _ . He’s not sure what type of feelings, but his throat is dry no matter how much he swallows, his heart is pounding in his chest and he thinks he forgot how to breath. Derek simply can’t take his eyes off of him.

 

Maybe he should have seen it coming, or maybe this is all just new. Whatever it is, he’s not going to think about it not. Not when Stiles has finished being a kid in the snow and attaches himself to Derek’s arm again, the one not holding the box on his shoulder.

Stiles hums contently. The silence between them should be comfortable like always and maybe it is to Stiles. But Derek’s brain just won’t stop buzzing.

______________________________________________________________________

Isaac declares a movie night since he’s barely seen anyone of the pack, except for Derek.They all gather in the living room, Erica, Derek and Stiles on the couch, Isaac leaning between their legs on the floor and Boyd on the chair.

No one’s watching the movie. All the students have bloodshot eyes, matted hair. Exhaustion lines so deep, Derek’s scared they’re permanent. The anxiety rolling off of Stiles is distracting. His leg’s jumping up and down, restless and Derek has to put his hand on his knee to at least try to make it stop moving.

 

Erica’s not in a better shape. She’s biting her cuticles and her mind is clearly somewhere else, probably stressing over questions she knows the answers to.

 

Stiles’ leg stops bouncing for a moment and draws Derek’s attention. “I’m okay”, he says, “it’s just school stuff. Nothing else, I promise.”

 

Derek knows, but it’s good to get a confirmation and a little sad that Stiles has to confirm it at all. He puts his hand on top of Derek’s and gives him a reassuring squeeze. Derek’s hear should not be reacting to this little gesture, but it does.

 

Stiles gives him a tight lip smile and gets up, says he’s taken a too long break and needs to go study. Derek watches him go, can’t help it and when he’s out of the room he turns to find three pairs of eyes on him. He want to ask what’s wrong, but then he notices Isaac’s looking at his chest, right where his heart is and oh...Right.

 

Erica’s the first to move. She stands up and heads for her room she shares with Boyd. Before she leaves she says with all sincerity” I’m happy for you. You should go for it.” She winks and the bags under her eyes do nothing to hide the meaning.

 

The boys say nothing, the just pat him on the parts they can reach and give him their silent support. When they leave, Derek’s alone with just his thoughts.

 

In all honesty, Derek hasn't thought about it since that night they bought the tree. Made himself not think about it actually. Having a significant other has always had devastating results and maybe if it was a few years ago he’d deny everything, push everyone away. Do everything to protect the people he cares about.

 

But now he’s in a good place. He’s happy, his pack is happy. The only thing he needs to worry about is relations with other packs when they go for runs outside the city. New York is full of people, human and supernatural. Packs are plenty and territories undefined. Everyone keeps to themselves and hunters never dare to venture too close in fear of getting caught with their illegal weapons. It’s the reason Laura chose this place and why Derek followed in her footsteps with his own pack.

 

So it wouldn't be the end of the world if Derek started dating again. And if it’s Stiles, he can’t help think with a smile, than that would be even better. That is to say if Stiles wants him like that. They’re friends now, close friends and Derek doesn't know if he’ll survive if he ruins that too.

 

He’s not ready to think about that now so he turns off the tv and all the lights and heads to his own room. He checks on his pack before he falls asleep. They’re all awake save for Isaac.

 

Derek can’t wait for exams to be over.

______________________________________________________________________

 

Derek can’t sleep. It happens sometimes. Either his thoughts or his nightmares keep him awake and tonight he doesn't know which.

 

He can hear his pack in their rooms, it always calms him down. Erica and Boyd are sound asleep, but Isaac keeps turning in his bed. And of course, Stiles is awake.

 

Derek thinks he got a few hours of sleep, but it’s not enough, not after the all nightmares studying. It’s too quiet for Derek to know what he’s doing right now, but his heartbeat indicates that he’s wide awake.

 

Derek’s been watching Netflix for about 10 minutes when Stiles walks in, exhaustion clearly written in his body. He doesn't say anything, just sits next to Derek and burrows in his side. And just like that, he’s out like a light.

 

Derek doesn't know what to think about it. Stiles breath has evened out and his heart has slowed down to a steady beat. Eyes closed and face relaxed, he looks so young and vulnerable. For a moment, Derek’s chest aches.

 

He moves his arm from Stiles’ back to his shoulder before it goes numb and subconsciously pulls Stiles closer. He breathes him in and then has to stop himself because it’s creepy. Yes, he can admit as much and Stiles has always made his boundaries clear.

 

Derek doesn't dare move for fear of waking Stiles up.The fact that Stiles trusts him enough to fall asleep like this warms his heart. Ever since he came to New York, Stiles has felt like a beta, like Boyd and Erica and Isaac. And Stiles once admitted  that he sometimes felt a pull towards the pack, faint and barely there, but if he concentrated he could feel it. And doesn’t that just fuck Derek over completely.

 

Derek doesn’t remember falling asleep, but the rising sun wakes him up.Stiles stirs on his chest and slowly opens his eyes. His dark circles have receded somewhat and he’s got a lazy smile pulling on his lips.

 

Stiles pushes himself upwards a little, enough to lay a kiss on Derek’s lips. A chaste thing, blink and you might miss it, but it still makes Derek’s heart go into overdrive and his hands sweat. “Morning”, Stiles says, his voice raspy with sleep.

 

As the seconds tick by, Stiles must be getting his bearings bit by bit. Derek doesn't know what’s written on his face, shock probably, but it makes Stiles jump like he’s been burned and his heart overwhelms Derek’s hearing.

 

“Sorry! Sorry! I didn't know what I was thinking...I…”. He practically runs, locking himself in the bathroom while Derek still lays there, dumbstruck.

 

He can still hear Stiles freaking out when Boyd walks in and leans against the door frame. He must’ve just woken up, or was woken up, but Derek doesn't really care about that now. “Aren't you gonna do something about that”, he indicates with his chin towards the bathroom. And, yes, Derek’s gonna definitely do something about it. Stiles has always called him brave, he’d be damned if he doesn't prove him right.

 

Derek doesn't check if the door is locked, he knocks three times, waits for Stiles to let him in himself.. The door opens, but not fully, so Derek takes it as  sign to enter, He closes it back to give them the illusion of privacy, thought they both know everyone else can hear them.

 

Stiles is pacing as much as the room allows. His eyes downcast, avoiding Derek’s

 

“I’m sorry, I really am. I don’t know what happened.” Apologies were tripping over to get out fast enough and Stiles hands were flailing in distress. “I thought it was a dream.” It came out so quietly, Derek almost didn't hear it. But he  _ did _ . Stiles dreams about him, about  _ kissing _ him.

It’s been a long time since he made the moves on someone. He just hopes it’s like riding a bike. “Stiles”, Derek had to talk over him, “it’s okay. I was just surprised.”

 

“But it’s not okay”, Stiles almost shouted,”You’re my friend. I shouldn't have done that.”

 

Derek prying his voice didn't waver, “If you tried it again, you’d get better results now that I’m awake”. He was aiming for a joking tone, maybe even flirty, but wasn't sure he succeeded. 

 

He did however manage to stop Stiles in his tracks. His amber eyes finally looked at Derek, reading his face. Derek tried to make it as sincere as possible.

 

“What?” It was barely a question.

 

“You can kiss me again. If you want”, and there went all of Derek’s bravado. He felt like a teenager again. 

 

Stiles took the few long steps that separated them and took Derek’s face in his hands. “Say it again”, he whispered almost like a secret.

 

But Derek couldn't. Stiles’ scent was all round him and his eyes were almost liquid. All he could do was lean down and taste those full lips. Stiles practically moaned and his enthusiasm was contagious. 

 

It was far too easy to ignore the pack discussing the bets.

______________________________________________________________________

 

On Christmas Eve everyone got up early to prepare. Before the pack was formed, before the nightmares, they all lacked the movie style family gatherings. This was their way of making up for it.

 

Boyd and Stiles were in charge of the actual cooking, while Isaac and Derek peeled everything that needed peeling, chopped all that was for chopping and tried to be as helpful as possible. Sometimes Stiles would walk by Derek and run his hand in passing. Sometimes he’d kiss his cheek or his head. No matter what he did, Derek’s heart would beat double time. It made Erica snicker and even Boyd failed at containing his laughter.

 

When the Sheriff called, Erica took over for Stiles. The man wouldn't be able to make it this year and everyone in the pack would miss him. Last year all the bets flocked him like little ducklings, excited to show the Sheriff the apartment, the city. Derek was just happy to show that Stiles was being taken care of. He just hopes he has the Sheriff’s approval  for actually  _ dating  _ his son.

 

Dinner was a loud and festive affair. Despite being only for, his betas all talked over each other.  Isaac loved gossiping about his customers and Stiles had far too many anecdotes about his classmates to be believable. Derek can’t remember the last time he laughed so hard his sides ached.

 

The night ended with everyone on Derek’s bed. Stiles was half on top of him with his head on Derek’s chest. Derek couldn't make out which arm or leg belonged to who and it almost made him purr.  _ Almost _ . He couldn't believe that he could have this.

 

“Merry Christmas”, Erica yelled in the quiet room and they all echoed her. 

 

“Now everyone go to sleep so Santa can leave our presents.” Derek’s comment had the desired effect. His betas all laughed.

 

Stiles cooed and kissed his cheek. “Aw, Der-bear, You still believe in Santa. That’s so cute.”

 

“I hope we didn't ruin the secret”, Isaac joked.

 

Technically, Derek never believed in the first place. He grew up with werewolf lore not Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny. But this was nice and he let the betas enjoy themselves at is expense. He knew, wholeheartedly, that it was out of love.

 

He fell asleep with the scent of pack and Stiles’ hair in his face. He‘s never been more grateful that these people showed him how to love again.


End file.
